


Never want to say it's love

by Readingfanfics



Series: Practice Stories [21]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Thor is confused, a bit OOC, loki is scared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 05:00:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8314813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readingfanfics/pseuds/Readingfanfics
Summary: Loki is acting strange around Thor, more so then usual and Thor wants some answer.





	

Thor couldn't figure it out. He'd been thinking about if for at least two months and he still wasn't anywhere close to a solution. He and his brother had always had a difficult relationship but now it was just strange.  
  
They didn't bicker or fight. They didn't argue, they didn't even talk! Every time Thor tried to talk to his brother the other man made an excuse and ran away. He had to help Mother, had to talk to Odin, had to do this, had to do that. Loki did a lot except talk to Thor.  
  
At first Thor was irritated, then upset, then down right mad. Why was Loki acting like this? Did he have a secret? Had he met someone and didn't dare tell his brother? Over the years he had been a bastard at times, not taking the infatuations of his brother seriously, not listening to his advice. But, after the whole Midgard thing, Thor thought they had both changed. That they had both learned and had gotten closer, getting along better then ever before.   
  
At least, that's what Thor thought. As the days grew into weeks and Loki still didn't say more then two words to him he started to have doubts. His anger was long gone, he just felt a wave of upset and disapointment. He had gotten use to his brother being around again. Walking side by side in the gardens, talking about their day. Thor was being crowned king soon so he was learning more about the ways and rules of Asgard and the Nine Realms. Thor had already made up his mind about some things. He wasn't going to rule alone, his brother would be his advisor and his rock. Loki was the smartest of the two of them, it was only logical to listen to him, to ask his advice. He had done so on many occasions now and Loki still had a look of disbelieve and pleasure in his eyes whenever Thor came to him.  
  
This morning Loki had been down for breakfast with the rest of the family, greeting everyone with a smile. Thor noticed the smile directed to him was less bright, less big. It set him on edge for the rest of breakfast. What had he done wrong? He was going over it in his mind in the afternoon, the session with Father done for the day, when he found Loki in the library. Thor stood still for a while and just watched his brother. He was writing something down, squinting his eyes on the paper, scribble and erasing and then scribbling again. He heard Loki sigh in frustration and Thor's face contorted in confusion. _Why is he so upset?_  
  
"Hello brother. What are you working on?" Loki nearly jumped out of his chair and that confused Thor even more. Loki was always aware of his surroundings, something was most certainly wrong.  
  
"Brother, are you well? Thor got closer to the table, looking at the papers on them, the elegant writing of his brother always made him a little jealous. His eyes grew even bigger when he could make out his own name on top of the page.  
  
"What is going on Loki?" Loki got up of the chair, collecting his writings clumsily, not looking at Thor.  
  
"Nothing Thor, just doing some writing. It's not important, I have to go." Loki turned to leave, trying not to brush against his brother and that was the last strew really. Thor exploded.  
  
"NO. Don't try to run from me again! Why do you to this? I thought we were fine, doing better, and these last two months you have avoided me like a disease, you hardly speak to me, barely even look at me. You talk to everyone else except your own brother. What have I done wrong Loki? Tell me so I can fix this. What have I done to upset you?" Thor pulled at Loki's arm, the papers falling to the ground. Every single one of them had Thor's name on the top, there were dozens of them, lines started and scribbled out.

 

“What is all this?” Thor bend down to grab them, to look at them more closely. What did Loki have to write down? What couldn't he talk about with his own brother?

 

“No! Stop! Don't! Let go!” Loki called out, his eyes wide in shock and anxiety, grabbing the papers out of Thor's hand, ripping them in the process. “It's nothing Thor, it doesn't mean anything. Let it be.” Loki pleaded with him, looking him in the eye. Thor saw tears shining in Loki's eyes and his heart stopped. Loki hadn't cried for a long time, he couldn't even remember when his younger brother had last cried. It almost made him back down, almost. Then Loki took hold of his hand and Thor couldn't let the matter drop. Loki hadn't been this close to him in along while, he had said more now then in two months and he needed to know why.

 

He grabbed hold of Loki's wrist, keeping him in place, his eyes scanning Loki's face. Trying to finally figure it out. As always his brother was too good at masking his features, his wall building up again.

 

“What is wrong Loki? What did I do wrong?” It was a whisper, Loki could just hear it, the broken quality to Thor's voice breaking him. Thor saw his brother close his eyes and take a deep breath. When he opened them again there was determination in his eyes, a decision made. Thor felt Loki trying to get away from his grasp. He was leaving him again. It made Thor's chest hurt.

  
“DON'T!” Thor pulled Loki back hard. He couldn't let him walk out again, he was so close to figuring this out. Loki landed on Thor's chest. He grabbed hold of Loki immediately, holding him upright but keeping him skin to skin. He felt Loki's beating heart, felt his breath on his neck.

 

“Thor, let me go. Please. I can't. You need to.” Loki struggled, he looked afraid. Thor let go in shock, taking a couple of steps back. _Why is he afraid of me?_

Still, he couldn't let Loki leave, he needed to know. He turned around and stood by the door, the only way out of the room. Loki looked furious and desperate at the same time.

 

“I can't let you leave Loki, I can't. I need to know what is going on. What did I do wrong Brother? Why are you ignoring me? Why do you always run away? Why?”

 

Thor wanted to ask more but suddenly Loki came forward, grabbed his neck to force him down and kissed him hard, they smacked into the door. Loki's lips felt soft on Thor's, the tip of Loki's tongue teasing the seem of his mouth. Thor growled in his throat when Loki bit his lower lip. Before Thor could even decide on a reaction Loki pushed himself away from Thor. Lust and anger were evident in his eyes. His lips were kiss swollen and it made Thor's heart skip a beat.

 

“Satisfied now brother?” Loki spat out. Glaring at Thor dangerously, creating space between them.

 

“Now you have your answer! Are you satisfied?

 

Thor could just stare at his brother. He felt the loss of Loki's lips on his, the coldness were their body's had connected. Loki looked at him with rage, walking back and forth, kicked the papers that were still on the floor.

 

“Why couldn't you let it be? Why do you always insist on getting your way? Why didn't you LET ME GO?” Loki screamed, his cheeks turning pink from anger. “These letters, they were almost done! It would have explained everything but no, _the great Thor_ wanted answers now!” Loki grabbed some of the pages on the floor, came closer and shoved them in Thor's hands. Thor looked down at them stunned. He couldn't focus his eyes, couldn't focus on what Loki was saying cause he was still thinking about Loki's soft lips on his, the feel of Loki's teeth on his bottom lip. He licked the spot without thought, looking up at his brother again.

 

“Aggrr, you are infuriating! Stop doing that! STOP IT!” Loki turned around then, walking away. Thor finally snapped out of it, dropping the papers and going after Loki again.

 

“Stop what? What are you on about Brother? I didn't do anything. You are the one that kissed me!” Thor's voice grew louder, his heart beating faster and faster. “Why did you do that?” He couldn't be angry anymore. All this strange behavior from his brother for two months and now Loki had kissed him and it had been perfect and then Loki had turned away again! Rejected him again! He couldn't be angry anymore, he was just hurt.

 

 

“Why are you doing this? Is this a trick? Are you trying to break me?” He fell down on a chair, to tired suddenly to even stand. He heard Loki come closer. He only looked up when Loki put his hand on his own, squeezing it lightly.

 

“I'm not. I'm sorry Thor. I should have been better at this. I should have explain it. I've been trying to write it out for you for almost two months now but the words for some reason don't seem to come.” Loki sounded frustrated a bit. Thor's brow turned down.

 

“I know Thor. I don't understand either.”

 

Loki had always been an expert with words, weaving lines and tales without effort. Thor envied how his brother could mingle so easily with others, how he could say exactly what he meant and have others understand him. That was one of the reasons he wanted his brother as his advisor and guide.

 

“You can tell me anything brother. You know this, just, speak from your heart.” Thor held Loki's hand between his own, it felt good. It grounded him, kept him focused.

 

“I don't even know where to begin. I.” Loki started then stopped again. He let go of Thor and grabbed a chair, pulling it closer and sitting down. Thor missed the warmth of Loki's hand but didn't try and grab it again. It grounded him but for some reason put his brother on edge.

 

“I have time Loki. Whenever you are ready.” He clenched his hands in to fists, forcing himself to not touch Loki. Loki was hunched down, as if the weight of the Nine Realms was on his shoulders. Thor wanted to help him, free him of his burden but he didn't know how so he just sat and waited for Loki to start.

 

“Everything changed. After the whole Midgard thing.” Loki said, so silently Thor almost couldn't hear it. It wasn't like Loki to be that quite. It was like he was afraid of the reaction he would get and Thor couldn't even picture his brother afraid of anyone or anything.

 

“I was sure Odin would lock me up forever and that you would allow it. No, let me speak Thor, this is difficult enough as it is.” Loki hastened to say when Thor opened his mouth to protest. He and Mother had been the only once to come to Loki's defense. They had seen the effect on Loki when he had falling into the abyss when the Bifrost Bridge was destroyed. They had seen the damage the Other had done to Loki's already fragile mind. Just some well placed words had been enough to get Loki on the Others' side.

 

“But then, you came to my defense, strongly and it just knocked me out. I hadn't expected it, let alone expected _Father_ to listen to you and not throw me in jail.” Loki still looked slightly shocked. He hadn't been locked up but he did have house arrest, he could only go out to the garden, going further then the parameter transported him straight to his rooms, doors and windows closed. Loki had tried it only once.

 

“You changed too.” Loki continued, look at Thor, his shoulders relaxing just a fraction. It seemed that once he started talking he couldn't stop and Thor was glad for it. He wanted to know what was going on in his brother's head, wanted to help him through it. Whatever it was.

 

“You've grown up Thor. I see it every day in the way you act around me, the way you act with other people. You are more grounded and listen to what others say. Even if you don't always like to hear it. We've gotten closer too over this past year.”

 

It was true, since Loki had house arrest and not too many friends to begin with Thor had been an almost constant presence. He hadn't demanded answers or reasons right away. Thor would just sit with him in the library, or walk next to him in the gardens, their silence had been comforting and not weird or oppressing. After a while Loki started talking, revealing bits and pieces about why he had done what he did. How he felt about his life, his upbringing, the constant struggle to be better then Thor. To get out of his brother's shadow. How he had always felt different but not knowing why exactly until it became clear that Loki was in fact a Frost Giant and Odin had taking him from his home when he was a baby.

 

“It's been a weird year Thor. I've learned more about myself and you. Even if we aren't brothers by blood we are still brothers in everything else.” Loki looked at Thor, a tentative smile on his lips.

 

“You will always be my brother Loki. Never question it.” Thor spoke up, grabbing Loki's hand and squeezing it. He needed to say it, needed to let Loki know that he didn't see him differently, that he still loved him, despite everything.

 

“But, these past few months it's become clear that it's not enough. Not anymore.” Loki looked down, a blush forming on his cheeks.

 

“What do you mean Loki? What isn't enough?” Thor frowned at his brother. 'Have I done something wrong? Have I failed in my duties as a brother again?”

 

“What? NO. No of course not. Thor, you've never failed me as a brother. I told you this before, it wasn't your fault, you couldn't have know and it wasn't your duty to know or act. Don't you see Thor? I kissed you! Just now, not moments ago I kissed you and you still don't understand!” Loki got of his chair, pacing back and forth, a torture look on his face.

 

“Will you really make me say it Thor? Will you be that cruel? Can't you see?” Loki was pleading, falling back down on the chair, grabbing Thor's hands, looking at him with dread and hope.

 

“Being brothers isn't enough Thor. These past months I've come to see you for who you really are. You are brave and strong. You are kind to everyone, you don't see others as less then you. You take the time to listen to people when they are in distress, when they need a listening hear. You do your best to help, you give advice when people need it. You are a wonder Thor. Being near you for this long has made me realize that I want to be more then just your brother. I...I want to be your partner... I...love you Thor.”

 

Silence followed after Loki's speech, they could hear the birds outside and some chatter coming from downstairs. Thor heard his heart beat loud in his chest, it felt like it would explode. He kept staring at Loki with wide eyes, his mouth slightly open. He played back every moment they had been together for the past year and things started to click, to finally fall into place.

 

“But why? Why did you avoid me these past few months Loki?” Thor looked at their joined hands, Loki's pale skin next to his more tanned one. Loki's elegant, long fingers grabbing Thor's.

 

“CAUSE IT'S WRONG THOR!” Thor flinched at the loud sound, Loki's face was red, his eyes glistering again.

 

“It's not normal to have these feelings for your brother, to have these fantasies and to want these things. I want it all Thor, I want you next to me, I want you in my bed, I want to be your advisor and confidant and lover. I want _everything_. And I deserve nothing of it.” Loki tore his hands away, resting his head in them, trying to control himself.

 

“These ideas, these feelings have been freaking me out. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know if I should say something. I thought they would go away over time, just an infatuation like before but it hasn't. It's only gotten stronger over time and I couldn't deal with it. I couldn't be near you Thor,even though that was all I could think about. Being near you, hearing your voice, making you laugh. But every time I was sure you knew, sure you saw what I was thinking about, what I was feeling and the idea of being rejected by you was to great. So I rejected you instead.”

 

Loki was looking at him the entire time,sitting perfectly straight, almost like a statue. You could only notice all the heavy emotions inside him by little ticks in his face and the stormy blue in his eyes.

 

 

“Why would you ever think? I. I would never reject you.” Thor's voice sounded so strong it was hard for Loki to not believe him.

 

“But.”

 

“No, don't even go there Loki. I'm telling you now. I would never reject you. I..... You are.... We could... Agggrrr, damn it all!”

 

Thor crossed the distance between them and kissed Loki hard on the lips, his hands grabbing Loki's hair. Loki responded instantly, kissing back, his hands squeezing Thor's big arms. Teasing Thor's mouth to open up, to explore the inside of his mouth. Loki pushed his body against Thor's, coming of his chair, trying to crawl into Thor's lap.

 

Thor moaned when Loki bit his bottom lip again and the sound went straight to Loki's cock. He got closer to Thor, the scent of him overwhelming. The chair couldn't take their weight anymore and broke, Loki landing on top of Thor's solid body. Loki's hands cradled Thor's head.

 

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Loki's fingers went over Thor's scalp, searching for a bruise.

 

“Kiss me again!” Thor panted, grabbing Loki's face and pulling him closer. Loki moaned at the not well hidden command, the feeling of Thor's tongue against his own, the stubble of Thor's beard, Thor's hands seemed to be everywhere. He growled when Thor grabbed his ass, pushing him down, making their cock's brush together. Thor was just as aroused as Loki was and for a second that thought made Loki lightheaded.

 

Loki pulled Thor's hair, descending down to the man's neck, sucking and biting it, cooling down the spot with long, wet licks of his tongue. Thor was pushing Loki down on his body, practically rutting his erection against Loki's. It felt so good, Thor's hands on his ass, squeezing his cheeks, taking control of the movement. Thor was panting and moaning. He cursed out loud when Loki bit down on his neck a little harder, making a bruise.

 

“Faster Thor, faster. Make me come.” Loki growled in Thor's ear, licking it making Thor keen and grab Loki harder, rutting faster. Loki felt the burn in his groin, he wasn't going to last long. He grabbed Thor's arms, running his nails across them.

 

“Now.”

 

Thor came with a shout, his fingers digging into Loki's ass. Seeing his brother come was all it took for Loki to lose control. He flopped down on Thor's chest, blissfully coming down, feeling Thor's rapped heartbeat vibrate against his own.

 

Thor finally got his breathing under control, stroking Loki's hair, kissing his forehead, cuddling him closer.

 

“I love you Brother. Do you understand now too?”

Thor's voice was a whisper. Loki pushed himself up a bit, looking at Thor, seeing the happiniss and post sex glow in his eyes.

 

“Hmn. I'm not sure. Maybe you'll have to show me again soon just how much you love me?” Loki smirked, kissing Thor softly on the lips, laying back down.

 

“We'll need to move at some point Brother, it's going to be a sticky mess.” Thor laughed but not moving from his spot on the floor.

 

“Soon Thor. For now I just want to hold you close.” Loki whispered, finding a good angle and soaking in his brother's warmth and comfort.

 

“I love you.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I do know Loki is a bit ( a lot?) out of character. I still haven't got the hang of writing him yet but I'm posting this story anyway cause some people might like it.  
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> The title is from a song by Dido.  
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> If I made any mistakes or you want to tell me how you liked it you can comment here or on my tumblr: http://readingfanficswatchingshows.tumblr.com/ 
> 
> If you want me to add tags you can send me an email to: KallistoIndrani@hotmail.com
> 
> I have a blog where you can find sneek peeks, updates and writer's tips: http://readingfanficswrites.tumblr.com/


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